Dear Applicant, I Don’t Think You Really Wanted That Job!

Unemployment is everywhere, they say.

Jobs are not available, they cry.

People only hire people they know, they lament.

We didn’t stand a chance, they chorus.

Well here’s my reply to you, dear applicant.

Dear Applicant,

You applied for a job and I called you for a phone interview but you never picked up your phone and you never called back. Did you think I was a stalker or your little nephew asking for money again?

I don’t think you really wanted that job!

Dear Applicant,

I advertised a vacancy and requested that people send in CVs. Your email arrived with a cover letter in the body of the mail. I was really impressed and could not wait to view your CV. There was only one problem. You forgot to attach the CV.

I did the unthinkable… I replied to your email asking you to attach your CV and you did not reply to me until the next day, without an apology. In any case, it was already too late.

I don’t think you really wanted that job!

Dear Applicant,

I advertised a vacancy and requested that people send in CVs. Your email arrived with an attachment but no subject nor message. All I saw in the body of the email was

‘Sent from my Blackberry Smartphone’ ‘Sent from my Android Smartphone’

I don’t think you really wanted that job!

Dear Applicant,

I advertised a vacancy and requested that people send in CVs. Your email arrived forwarded from the last place you sent it to. And PS, there was no attachment.

I don’t think you really wanted that job!

Dear Applicant,

I advertised for a vacancy and requested that people send in CVs. Your email came in with a short cover letter telling me how qualified you were for the role. You said your CV would convince me beyond all reasonable doubt that you were the one for the position. I opened your CV expecting soo much…. and I didn’t find one word that qualified you as right for the position. I even used Ctrl F to search for the keyword in the role and came up blank.

I don’t think you really wanted that job!

Dear Applicant,

You were invited for an interview and you arrived slightly late but in good time. I interviewed you and to be frank, you were OK. The only problem was…. You were dressed in a micro mini skirt and had huge false eyelashes.

In my humble opinion, I don’t think you really wanted that job!

I really would love to take a stab at reducing unemployment but job seekers make it so difficult for anyone to help them. And so this is me venting and pleading…..

Prove to me that you really want that job!

Signed,
Hiring Manager.